Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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