your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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