Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
