he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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