I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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