Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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