i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
