Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
