I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The air was thick with penises
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize