Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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