i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
