Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
