I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The convent might be a nice break from real life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
