i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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