I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
