Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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