Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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