She even gives head with a lisp.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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