The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
