Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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