im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
