You're completely useless in the revolution.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
