Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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