So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
