do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
