i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
