Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
