is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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