So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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