my mouth tastes like poor choices
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I want her autograph on my taint
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
