im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
