I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
