So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
