fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
