Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
