I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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