you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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