I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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