Your mouth is God's brothel.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
