i may or may not be watching the land before time
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
