Your dad touched me again.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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