but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
