I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
