Ambien. No doubt about it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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