sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
