Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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