Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
