I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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