someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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