apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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