3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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