She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
