Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
