ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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