Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
