goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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