Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
