I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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