I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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