So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
