I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
