is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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