Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
