Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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