hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
