if you like me you must not know who I am
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
