i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
