she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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