i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
