I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
