Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize