Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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